How To Truly Reveal A False Twin Flame: Mastering The Inner Work Of The Mirror

June 2020

My journey felt like it was going textbook in the way he had naturally and organically moved from teacher to friend to partner in purpose work. The more I healed, the closer we became.

All of this time he had a girlfriend he was living with. We met a few times. I didn’t see her much, and he never talked about her much. Until he and I started talking of building our dream center together. Then he felt like spirit was guiding him to bring on one of our mutual friends as a third partner. It felt like suddenly I was having a massive amount of upsets flooding me and no more beautiful yoga classes to bring out the healing tears. I love them both and worked through my feelings with my coaches so I was able to begin building a dream with them that was big enough to hold all of our dreams.

We hit our first breakthrough in finding our center’s name. It was a name with meanings spanning Sanskrit, Hebrew, and Jola that combined essentially meant infinite, boundless truth and peace. A new vortex opened, but we couldn’t hold it together.

The next challenge brought my feelings about the girlfriend to a head. The content planning for online offerings was going amazingly well, but we never made it through the branding. I did graphic design work years ago and was looking forward to my new burgeoning artist self combining with my former design experience to serve our company in this space. He was insistent his girlfriend do the artwork and would not budge. It felt like he was cruel about it, and I was crushed. I worked on my feelings and what he was showing me with my coaches. I honored his wishes and worked with the design proposals the girlfriend submitted. All the while all of my feelings were showing raw and out loud. I used solid design principals to frame my feedback and help me keep my personal feelings from clouding my judgement as best I could. He got more defensive. I got more emotional. I would not settle for anything less than working through our differences to come up with the branding we all loved and felt was perfect for our message. We learned we didn’t have the same message in mind, and that we needed to go deeper in sharing and refining our visions. The way we were treating each other was feeling out of hand, and I knew we needed to go deeper in our core values to set healthier boundaries about how we make decisions. I shared the mirror exercise. We needed to go deeper with each other and heal if the company was ever going to move forward. I chose to go deeper, and I had an idea for a workshop around building spiritual intimacy in executive teams that could help us get there. I didn’t get to share the idea with him before he told me he didn’t want any kind of business partnership with me at all, and that the venture was over.

I worked through all of my feelings and all of my self judgement with my Ascension Coach. This man I experienced the most beautiful journey with that helped me believe twin flames were truly real has become the face of harsh judgement that I see every time I find a place where I am harsh on myself. I never shared that I am certain the last time we spoke I chose to go deeper. Right up until the point he told me he didn’t want to be there. Then I chose not to partner with anyone who didn’t actually want to be there. Was this giving up on my twin flame or standing up for myself?

The more time that passes and the more I heal, the more ways I am seeing how unhealthy our partnership was. And I absolutely choose only healthy relationships in every area of my life.

I’m learning to appreciate the mastery I have gained. I can recognize mirroring on the spot more and more when something upsets me and am able to use the mirror and work through my feelings. Sometimes it takes days. Or weeks to fully work through it. Sometimes minutes or seconds. I am getting better and better at it. Am I mastered enough to handle the true twin flame? God only knows. I know I am ready to handle whatever God puts in front of me. I know God honors my choices for healthy relationships and beauty and poetry and an ever growing intimacy with all that is.

And I see at least one new choice to make here now. I don’t have to sacrifice the beauty in order to go deeper into being with God and my true twin flame. I don’t have to sacrifice kindness and gentleness for growth and intimacy in relationship.

Jeff showed me a place where I’ve been angry that my beautiful and poetic journey with the yoga instructor was taken from me. I’ve been angry at myself for feeling like I threw away all of my dreams just as they were getting started. As I let go of this anger I can see so many other ways God is bringing new dreams and beauty and poetry and healing into my life. My journey hasn’t ended. My journey is entering a new realm with all of the love I have learned. Can I let myself be surprised by all of the love God has in store for me?

God brought me a meditation teacher training that is literally a training on tolerating intimacy with all that is. “Tolerating the ordeal, the intense sensations and emotions that go with tuning, loosening, and tightening the chords of the heart.” A training on radical self-acceptance and the most amazing poetic translation of an ancient text on how to meditate. My meditation teacher says that “even the most ordinary situation in life can be perceived as beautiful if you are paying exquisite attention.” It is true that infinite beauty lies in presence with God in every moment.

God is bringing me deeper feelings of community and partnership in my volunteer positions with COU and Divine Gaming. God is showing me that I have everything I need already within me to create my own company of transformation through yoga, astrology, meditation, and ascension coaching. God is so graciously giving me everything I need to take my journey into the next deeper realm of beauty and grace. With or without this man I believed to be my twin flame.

God may you bless me with the mastery to embrace every mirror and every feeling with courage and grace, peace and beauty, compassion and self-acceptance, divinity and unconditional love. May you help me see clearly, take right action, surrender fully, and always follow the truth of you in my heart.