June 2021
We never talked after the fight until it was time for the Galapagos retreat I had signed up for over a year before. I spent months healing and wondering if every new person I met was my actual twin flame. I explored a connection in the Twin Flames Universe community that ended up leaving. I thought I moved on as the covid-postponed retreat came time to move forward. It is yoga in the Galapagos, so of course I wanted to go. But it felt bad. I didn’t want to face the last lingering doubts about whether or not he was actually a true or false Twin Flame. If he was a false Twin Flame, then there really wouldn’t be a person in that space anymore. If he was the true Twin Flame, then things were really shitty between us and starting over from below scratch. And he was hardcore choosing his girlfriend and their relationship more than he ever had before. Maybe I didn’t really want to go. Maybe I didn’t really want to know. Maybe I already knew and didn’t want to face it to fully complete it.
In the end I was enticed by the sea turtles and giant tortoises and blue footed boobies. I was going to the Galapagos. It was time to face the truth, whatever that may be. The yoga was incredible as always. His connection to God and my connection to God meeting on the sand at the ocean’s edge at sunrise along with 6 other incredible souls. I cried and healed, and it felt like almost old times.
At dinner his girlfriend told us the story of how they met. It was exactly the same way we met. Down to the same Sunday morning yoga class. Student stays after class for long talks with the yoga instructor. They become friends. They become partners. It all clicked so clearly in that moment. Our entire friendship was based on a pattern of codependency and transference and an inability to set healthy boundaries. How could this be my Twin Flame after all the trauma healing with MAP and mirroring and rooting out codependency in my life? I had to look deep within my heart to see the truth. I was looking outside of myself to him to show me the truth. I was never going to find it there.
It wasn’t until after the retreat ended and I was alone with God in the cloud forest that I was able to look inward. I found myself saying over and over
Only my True Twin Flame
I only want my True Twin Flame
I only want the truth, God
I only want you, God
In this prayer I was able to let go of control as to the identity of my twin flame.
I loved up all of the places within me that were still missing the relationship I thought I once had with the yoga instructor. All the places where I felt like a delusional fool. I repeated the mantra while doing the mirror exercise and meditating.
The truth was fully revealed. We were not making the same core choices. Back when we ended the business venture I was absolutely choosing to go deeper, face whatever was there, and he chose to leave. I knew it in my heart then, but I was doubting my healing. The timing of it came in the fall of 2020, not long after I healed the root of my codependency patterns in Mind Alignment Process. My experience of him in the Galapagos showed me very clearly the true context of our entire friendship and what I was able to heal and learn from it. I’m very grateful for the experience, but I definitely want and deserve the real thing.
Now I repeat the prayer:
Only my True Twin Flame
I only want my True Twin Flame
I only want the truth, God
I only want you, God
Show me how to love you, God
So what it all comes down to is loving myself. Deeply valuing myself. Honoring the power of my choice. Choosing only healthy relationships. Choosing only the truth. Choosing only love. Recognizing my own patterns at play. Making new choices. Forgiving myself.
Leave a Reply