You Are Who I Love

This little poem served as my list of inner work for what feels like such a long time. The first step was self-acceptance. I had to love myself through all of these feelings.

Another big piece of this healing was looking at the way I used to romanticize pain and sorrow as a way of masking the sadness. If I could make it beautiful then it wouldn’t hurt so much. What I learned is that you can’t dress up pain. You can only choose to heal it. It came down to ending my relationship with sorrow. To me sorrow became a build up of sadness I was resisting feeling. If I just let myself feel the sadness and love myself there, then it would pass right on through and never become sorrow. Sorrow was a way I would roll around in the sadness because it was comfortable and known.

I also saw sorrow as a price to pay for a few days of happiness.

Only happiness has no cost. The only thing happiness costs is letting go of the sorrow. I can be happy and move through every single emotion at the same time. That undercurrent of peace and happiness never leaves, even when a moment of sadness rolls through.

There is a difference between knowing and knowing. Sometime you have to accept that you know and that you are still coming into the knowing. That is what this poem was for me. Accepting that there were places I knew I needed to heal and still loving myself through it.